I've heard people from other countries say that Americans don't know how to drink. To be fair, it's been mostly Australians and Irish people who say that, and they can say whatever they want when it comes to drinking. Still, when I went to Belize they said the same thing. American don't know how to drink? Have you ever seen a white girl named Bethanie stumbling around Hollywood at midnight in a stained cocktail dress after drinking 18 birthday cake shots? She knows how to put them down, although I wouldn't be taking any drinking tips from Bethanie unless you want alcohol poisoning. To find out which state may be best for your drinking style, here are America's drunkest states according to a recent study. #1 is a total shocker!
Tennessee is all about the music, baby. Not just the Nashville country scene, but the state as a whole has produced great music. Do I need to say anything more than Elvis Presley to get my point across? And we all know that there's only one thing that makes music better: alcohol. That's why coffee shop open mics are horrible, but bar bands are great. The quality of music is the same. It's only the experience that changed.
You can't blame Tennessee for having the adults excessive drinking at 11.2%. When chowing down on some Nashville hot chicken you want to chug down a beer, not a glass of cold milk. If you see someone at a bar drinking milk, you need to leave that bar. Statistics : Adults drinking excessively: 11.2% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 28.0% (11th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 19.9% (9th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Nashville-Davidson-Murfreesboro-Franklin
If there's any state I'm likely to forget when I'm listing them all, it's West Virginia. Anytime you throw a direction in with the state name I get a little forgetful that it exists. I can't reward that kind of lack of originality, but then again West Virginia only exists because the people there weren't down for slavery, so big ups to them. Maybe West Virginians drink so much because they're still celebrating the civil war victory. That seems a bit excessive, but who am I to judge one's drinking habits?
I'm going to grab a six pack and head over to a national park in West Virginia next time I'm passing through. Don't worry, I won't litter.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 11.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.0% (25th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 23.7% (the highest) - Drunkest metro area: Morgantown, WV
Utah is most known for two things: Salt Lake City and Mormons. Big ups to Mormons for taking over an entire state. You go, Mormons! You've shown us that once there's enough of you in one state, that state is pretty much yours.
There's a well known event centered around Utah that's important to mention because I bet most of the drinking comes from that one time of year alone. I'm talking about Sundance. A bunch of awkward filmmakers who are too nervous about their movie not to drink. The stats don't lie either. The drunkest metro area is Salt Lake City where the festival takes place.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 12.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 19.7% (the lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 12.9% (6th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Salt Lake City, UT
I once knew a guy named Albert Labama, or Al Labama as we commonly called him. After a lifetime of Alabama jokes directed at him, he hated his name. Now he drinks excessively. I know it sounds like a sad story, but at least it fits thematically with the topic at hand. I'm sure he would love to Google his name and see that he's mentioned in this article.
Alabama is known as the rocket capital of the world (Al Labama is not). That's because of the Space Flight Center located there. Think about it. If they say that airplane pilots drink a lot, how much do you think SPACE pilots drink? Seriously, think about it.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 13.0% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 29.4% (17th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 21.2% (4th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Auburn-Opelika, AL
There's a joke that a character repeats several times in the movie 'Mississippi Burning.' It goes, "what has four eyes but can't see? Mississippi." It's not that funny of a joke, but then again 'Mississippi Burning' wasn't supposed to be that funny of a movie. It's also not the greatest representation of Mississippi, which is a beautiful, vibrant state.
Mississippi is an American state with a long and rich history. That usually means there's a lot of alcohol involved in that history. If your state was established back when there was very little to do other than drink, then it usually goes hand in hand with your identity. That's why laws won't even stop people from still making Mississippi moonshine.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 13.3% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 23.3% (3rd lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 22.2% (3rd highest) - Drunkest metro area: Gulfport-Biloxi-Pascagoula, MS
New Mexico. It's just like the old Mexico you know and love... but new! I imagine that's what the ad campaigns for New Mexico were like when it was first launched. I don't know why I'm treating New Mexico like it was a froyo place or something. It's just fun to think that way.
New Mexico has a fairly high percentage of adults in fair or poor health. At 20% you're looking at one in five adults not being able to run away in the event of a zombie uprising. Though that also means that one in five zombies would be slow too. Score! Keep drinking, New Mexicans.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 13.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.1% (25th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 20.2% (8th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Santa Fe, NM
The official state beverage of Oklahoma is milk. Good, old fashioned milk. With 13.9% of adults drinking excessively, I don't buy it. Maybe they're talking about White Russians. That's pretty much just milk with vodka in it. It's the kind of drink you have when you're trying to hide your drinking problem. "Dad, this milk smells spoiled." / "Don't drink that! That's mine!"
Oklahomans throw it down when it comes to drinking according to these stats, though that alcohol related automotive deaths seem alarmingly high. You can't blame them after the whole dust bowl thing in the 1930s. Everyone pretty much fled the state. When they came back they must have been ready to party.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 13.9% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 29.9% (19th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 20.9% (6th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Lawton, OK
Does anyone else see North and South Carolina as brother and sister, or is it just me who applies human characteristics to objects and symbols? If we are looking at them as brother and sister, North Carolina must be a little more chill than South Carolina since we're seeing him earlier on the list.
People must be turning up in North Carolina on the whole. Their excessive drinking is only about 3% less than the national average. Like the rapper Petey Pablo used to say, "North Carolina Come on and raise up / Take your shirt off, twist it 'round your hand / Spin it like a helicopter." One of North Carolina's finest poets.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 14.9% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.3% (24th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 18.5% (12th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Jacksonville, NC
I used to have a friend whose family was from Arkansas. He'd tell me how his family owned an entire mountain over there. He made it sound like a magical place. He was and still is a very heavy drinker, so it's likely he was lying. I appreciate the hope that I too can one day own a mountain in Arkansas and help the adults drinking excessively percentage to rise to 16%.
Arkansas is mostly forestland (50% of the land is considered forestland), and sometimes when you're surrounded by nature's beauty, there's nothing more to do than to get sloshed. Isn't that what life is all about? Something about being surrounded by trees makes a beer taste that much better.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 15.3% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 28.4% (13th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 22.7% (2nd highest) - Drunkest metro area: Fayetteville-Springdale-Rogers, AR-MO
You can't tell me that the potato capital of the world doesn't have some heavy drinkers. We're talking about the potato. The secret ingredient to one of the world's finest beverages: vodka. OK, so maybe the idea of vodka doesn't make my mouth water (at least not in a good way), but boy does it make you feel good and make karaoke sound better. That includes your singing and other people's.
The potato capital of the world has a high excessive drinking percentage, and also high alcohol related driving deaths. They may want to focus less on potato growing and more on getting some Uber drivers over there.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 15.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.4% (23rd highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.1% (14th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Coeur d'Alene, ID
Maryland is a real American hero, so that state can drink all it wants. Why is Maryland an American hero? Because of sacrifice. Maryland was one of two states to give up their land for Washington DC to exist. Thanks to Maryland we now have a place to go on big class trip in the 8th grade (note: I was too poor to go on my schools D.C. trip).
The adults drinking to excess is very high at 15.5 percent. With it being such a small state, that's a lot of people packed into one place drinking. Maryland is like a packed house party that just keeps going.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 15.5% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.8% (20th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.3% (8th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: California-Lexington Park, MD
How is Nevada at 39? The fact taht Nevada isn't at number one in excessive drinking shows that it's just not trying hard enough. This is the state that's home to Las Vegas. There's even a smaller version of Las Vegas called Reno too! I'm not saying I want the great state of Nevada to have a higher percentage of adults drinking excessively, it's just that I EXPECTED them to.
Then again, you can't rest the entire weight of the state's drinking shoulders on one city like Las Vegas. The entire state has to rally to increase those numbers. Or decreasing them is actually the way to go, isn't it? I think I need to check my priorities.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 15.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.8% (21st highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 17.2% (17th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Reno, NV
Moderation is the key to healthy drinking. It's the difference between one beer and one hundred beers. It wouldn't be considered excessive if you were doing it in moderation. That's the key to making sure you're not one of the 16% included in Arizona's adults drinking excessively state. Moderation can be difficult when you're in the dry heat and there's an icy margarita staring at you.
Arizona is well known for its hot climate, which can be blistering and draining. You kind of need a drinking respite. The thing about margaritas and hot days is that together they can create powerful hangovers. Powerful hangovers can only be defeated with more drinking. Thus, the cycle continues.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.0% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 27.6% (9th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 18.5% (11th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Flagstaff, AZ
Kentuckians must know how to drink. It just makes sense when you think about it. They have a bourbon style named after them after all (Kentucky style bourbon). Some would even call it a mecca for bourbon. A spot you have to visit if you're into that specific spirit. Even though the rule is "don't get high on your own supply," you know there's no way you can follow that when you just open up the cask for a new bourbon.
Unfortunately that may manifest into some poor health due to excessive drinking and of course alcohol-related driving deaths, though for a state with a strong history with alcohol, they are still in fairly good standing.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.3% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 28.5% (14th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 20.9% (7th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Louisville/Jefferson County, KY-IN
South Carolina, the sister of North Carolina. That's if we're going by my anthropomorphizing of states that I seem to enjoy so much (Texas and Florida are totally hooking up, by the way). This is the worse sibling when it comes to drinking, as is evident by South Carolina's spot higher up in the list. Also, check out the 37.8% on alcohol-related driving deaths. That's so close to fifty percent. It's crazy to think that if they just stopped drinking and driving then they'd cut their death rate nearly in half.
Interesting drinking habits coming from a state that produces so much tea. Maybe do Tea Tuesdays for a while.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 37.8% (7th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 17.0% (19th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Hilton Head Island-Bluffton-Beaufort, SC
Delaware's nickname is 'the first state.To this day, no one is entirely sure why... That's not true. We pretty clearly know why, and if you paid any attention in history class, you'd know why too. They were the first state to sign the constitution. They were likely the first to sort out whether it said anything bad about drinking or not. "No rules against drinking? No? Sign it!"
Their alcohol-related driving deaths are even higher than South Carolina's, but when you're the first state you can pretty much do what you want. Delaware is like, "that's what I love about these new states. I get older and they stay the same age."
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 37.9% (6th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 16.7% (21st highest) - Drunkest metro area: Dover, DE
I've never been to Indiana, and I probably never will. It's not Indiana's fault either. It's just that ever since watching the old tv show 'Eerie, Indiana' I just assume that the whole state is full of monsters and apparitions. It's a childish reason, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. Especially when dealing with apparitions.
At least if I do go I have an 18% chance of meeting people just like me: adults in fair or poor health. While the percentage of adults who drink excessively is fairly high, it's a good argument for the lack of monsters and apparitions in Indiana. I would imagine it would be a lot higher if wolf men were running around willy nilly.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 23.6% (5th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 18.0% (14th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Bloomington, IN
We've all heard someone described as a 'Georgia peach,' and it's just about the loveliest sounding compliment in the world. I think I'd really love to meet someone who was a Georgia Peach. I bet Timothy Chalamut's character in 'Call Me By Your Name' would too (you either get that one or you don't, folks. Move on).
People in Georgia aren't driving around drunk as much as many of the other states (4th lowest? Way to go, you bunch of peaches), but they've got some poor average health. Donald Glover, can you please shine light on this topic on an episode of 'Atlanta?' I can help you write the episode! (Sorry. I'm always hustling.)
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.8%- Alcohol-related driving deaths: 23.4% (4th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 17.5% (16th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Athens-Clarke County, GA
Dorothy: "Toto... we're not in Kansas anymore." / Toto: "You're right. There are far greater than 27.3% alcohol-related driving deaths per year. It can't be Kansas." I think that could have been a great set of alternate lines for 'The Wizard of Oz' between Dorothy and Toto. It's accurate too, which is so important in movies about witches and talking lions.
Interestingly, Kansas is known as the Sunflower State, and sometimes if you go to really fancy bars they'll do stupid stuff like put a sunflower in your drink so they can charge you $5 more. Or they'll burn a lemon peel and throw it in there. Because the reason why we go to a bar is to buy flowers and lemon peels. SMH.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 16.9% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 27.3% (8th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.1% (22nd lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Lawrence, KS
Everything is bigger in Texas... except for their alcohol related stats. For a state where you could order beer out of a four foot tall glass boot, they aren't really as in the game I thought they'd be. I think the Texas life is all about working on the ranch, drinking nothing but whiskey and coffee. Do I need to stop watching so many movies? Yes. Specifically cowboy movies? Yes again.
Forget about the movies. Let's talk about raw, hard facts. 19.9% of the adults are in fair or poor health, but that could just be the 40 oz porterhouse steaks that I assume they have for lunch every day. Let's not just blame the alcohol for our poor health, right?
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.3% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 29.9% (18th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 19.3% (10th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Austin-Round Rock, TX
Virginia is home to the Naval Station Norfolk, and while those navy cadets are kept on a tight leash, you know they let loose when they get the opportunity. That type of institution can greatly alter the statistical landscape when it comes to drinking.
Virgina has some respectable numbers that aren't totally alarming, but it being a tobacco state, I wonder what their tobacco stats look like. Nothing like some IPA and a menthol. Actually I've literally never had that combination and it doesn't even sound that good. It is visceral though, isn't it? (You hear that, Donald Glover? I writer viscerally).
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 30.5% (20th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.6% (20th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Blacksburg-Christiansburg-Radford, VA
Florida is most well known for the wild crimes that come out of there. Remember the whole bath salts episode that happened years ago? They thought people were turning into zombies from smoking bath salts. I'm glad that nothing similar ever happened with Bath Bombs. The name alone suggests it might end up even more violent.
Floridians are very close to the national average of 18% in adults drinking excessively, but with all the bath salts and cocaine who has the time? I don't mean to suggest everyone in Florida is running around like a maniac doing bath salts. It's just that the people who are doing that are incredibly hard to ignore.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 28.2% (12th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 17.1% (18th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Crestview-Fort Walton Beach-Destin, FL
Home, home on the range. Where the beer and the antelope play. That's how the old song goes, right? That's the imagery I think of when I think about Wyoming. That song is most likely about some other state, but you can't say it doesn't fit with Wyoming? Drinking goes hand in hand with that frontier lifestyle, especially since it was easier to get clean, drinkable whiskey than clean dirankle water.
I wonder if back in the old days - when people were cruising around in horse drawn wagons - if there were as many alcohol related horse-drawn wagon deaths. 35.3 is very high. The 10th highest, in fact. Though a wagon crash must be far less intense.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.5% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 35.3% (10th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.4% (19th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Casper, WY
I love the New Jersey attitude. I also love drinking. At about beer number 10 I start to get a little bit of that New Jersey attitude. By beer number 11 I start to get sick. There's a very fine line for me, and one that I'm not afraid to speed towards. Let's just call it my way of connecting with the East coast.
The stats for New Jersey are fair, but I'm sure these numbers increased during the shooting of the MTV show 'The Jersey Shore.' If you've ever seen the show, it's as if they only cast people who were in the 17.6% of adults who drink excessively. They were wild. Now they've all grown and started families, or went bankrupt (the loser's version of having a baby).
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 24.3% (6th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.2% (23rd lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Atlantic City, NJ
Missouri, the show me state. Whatever that means. Apparently it came from a congressman who once said, "I'm from Missouri and you've got to show me." If that doesn't make the meaning any clearer, I don't blame you. Don't worry, it's not because you've had too much to drink. It's just weird, but that's part of its appeal. Just like the ambiguity of how to pronounce Missouri. "Is it Miz-oo-ree, or miz-oo-rye?"
Nearly a fifth of the adult population likes to drink excessively there, so if you ever need a drinking partner you know where to go. Let me give you a little tip. If you're ever sad, go to Missouri, because you know what they say; Missouri loves company.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.7% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 31.7% (23rd lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 16.6% (22nd highest) - Drunkest metro area: Columbia, MO
When people tell me they're from South Dakota I respond with, "I'm not totally familiar with it. Where is that in relation to North Dakota?" It never gets a laugh, but you better believe I'll never miss a chance to say it. I guess I'm just training for my future as a father. There's only two things a father needs to do: one, protect their child. Two, tell bad jokes constantly.
South Dakota has the 11th highest alcohol-related deaths, though generally people are pretty healthy there. Too bad all the cardio in the world can't protect you from a car. Stay safe out there, South Dakotans. We want to feel safe when we come visit Mount Rushmore.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.7% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 35.2% (11th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 12.8% (5th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Sioux Falls, SD
It's understandably gets confusing when you talk about Washington or Washington DC because the names are way too similar. You ever notice that? Of course you have. Whenever I think about Washington and Washington D.C. I just think, " what is this? The Diet Coke of Washington?" It's not like that at all, nor is that necessarily clever. Still, I say it.
I've got some questions for these stats, given the fact that Washington is so close to our Canadian brothers and sister. How much of these stats are coming from Canadians hopping the border and getting their drink on? They could be over here messing with our stats. I can't sleep at night thinking that's happening.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 35.0% (12th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.3% (18th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Seattle-Tacoma-Bellevue, WA
Rhode Island is home to the famous alcoholic cartoon character, Peter Griffin from 'Family Guy.' Not that people generally refer to him as an alcoholic character. It's not like I say, "have you seen 'Family Guy?' There's this hilarious overweight alcoholic in it!" Actually, I may have described it like that to my friend Alcoholic Jim, but that was just to be relatable.
The perception from that character alone could point you towards the idea that Rhode Islanders drink heavily. With the 3rd highest alcohol-related driving deaths, there's definitely something going on over there. It's time to take the keys away from Rhode Island. You've had too much.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 17.9% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 40.4% (3rd highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.8% (24th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Providence-Warwick, RI-MA
California knows how to party. Just like the Tupac song says. Go look it up for proof. It's easy since the song is even called "California Love." You only have to remember one extra word. It's a specific type of partying though. Californians will drink all day on Sunday, and then eat vegan for the rest of the week to make up for it. In fact, the concept of brunch doesn't exist in California if you're not talking about bottomless mimosas.
Californians are right at the national average for excessive drinking and have a fairly high percentage of adults in poor health considering it's a state that is known for healthy foods.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.0% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 29.0% (15th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 17.8% (15th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Chico, CA
An interesting fact about Pennsylvania is that Pennsylvania is home to the first public zoo, founded by Benjamin Franklin. If you've never drank at a zoo, then you're missing out. When you're drunk at a zoo they let you do fun things like crawl into the cages with the animals. By "they" I mean your inhibitions. And by "fun" things I mean deadly things.
Pennsylvania's drinking stats show a very interesting story. They have a high excessive drinking percentage in adults, yet they are relatively low in auto deaths and adults in poor health. Note to self: Figure out what Pennsylvanians are doing and copy that routine.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.1 - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.0% (24th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.3% (25th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: State College, PA
I love New York. Almost as much as I'm terrified of it. New York City is a place where you can take the subway or walk practically everywhere. What that says to me is, "go ahead and drink because you're not possibly getting behind the wheel." You'd think I'd have many other reasons not to drink, but very rarely is that the case. And let's not forget about the areas outside of the city, those people like to party REAL hard, in fact, rumor has it that they party even hard than the city folk.
Let's look at those alcohol-related driving deaths. It's the 2nd lowest, but let's put into consideration considering that every person I've ever talked to about New York has said, "you don't drive if you live in New York." Who is out there in New York killing people in their cars when they shouldn't even be driving at all in the first place?
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.2% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 23.0% (2nd lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 16.2% (23rd highest) - Drunkest metro area: Watertown-Fort Drum, NY
People in New Hampshire are killing it. They're drinking their butts off and still coming out with the 2nd lowest score in adult health. I say score as if it's some sort of game instead of a serious health issues that affects every single one of us in profound ways. What can I say? That's Julio Childress for you (I'm Julio Childress, if you didn't get that. The fact that I had to check in shows you glimpse at what my confidence level might be).
It's possible that the people of New Hampshire got together and said, "no one can remember anything significant about us, so we must make sure we're healthy. At the very least." Sorry, New Hampshire. I don't mean to throw shade, but that's Julio Childress for you.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 31.2% (22nd lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 11.5% (2nd lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Manchester-Nashua, NH
I have a very specific image in my mind of what Connecticut is like that ultimately informs my image of what drinking there would be like. That image can be summed up with this sentence. The national clothing item of Connecticut is the sweater vest, as well as the state bird for some reason. I just feel like the whole place is men in sweater vests. If that's wrong (which it 100% has to be) then I do apologize.
That being said, I imagine drinking there consists of a lot of light beers mixed with grapefruit spritzer. The stats would tell you that I'm most likely very wrong. 18.6% of the adults drinking excessively means that there's a lot more than grapefruit beer spritzers being passed around.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 33.4% (18th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.3% (17th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Bridgeport-Stamford-Norwalk, CT
Louisiana seems like a very magical place to me. It's the type of place where I feel like you could see a cat walking down the street playing a trombone and it wouldn't be THAT weird. Maybe that's more of a New Orleans thing (boy am I going to be surprised when I visit and don't see a single feline playing a brass instrument).
As could be expected from the home state of New Orleans, 18.6% of the adult population drinks excessively. You do wonder how much of that is the fault of Mardi Gras alone. Every other state takes a dip in drinking rates for that week while Louisiana spikes.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.6% (22nd highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 21.0% (5th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Houma-Thibodaux, LA
Whether it be Portland's thriving craft beer scene or something else, drinking is going strong in Oregon. I guess there's nothing better than staying indoors on a rainy day and cracking open a drink. Despite having a fairly high quality of life, the people of Oregon have a high percentage of adults with fair or poor health. Are you saying I don't need to lose my gut to be happy?
Here's an interesting fact. There are more ghost towns in Colorado than anywhere else in the United States. That only sounds creepy when discussed in the same paragraph as driving-death statistics, which are at 32.8%. They were just ghost towns in your head before. Now they are haunted ghost towns.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 18.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 32.8% (19th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 18.3% (13th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Portland-Vancouver-Hillsboro, OR-WA
Colorado is known for its big, beautiful mountains. So is my secretary. HEYO! In all seriousness though, what do you really think about when you think of Colorado? Maybe five years ago it would have been mountains. Now, I bet you're thinking about weed. Legalizing weed hasn't done much to hurt the alcohol industry in Colorado. Maybe it turns out that weed isn't so much of a replacement as it is a bonus.
Turns out a huge percentage of the adult population drinks to excess. You would too if you had cotton mouth after all the Colorado green. Certainly it's not as though every Coloradan smokes marijuana. Just every single one that I've met.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 19.1% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 34.7% (13th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.7% (11th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Fort Collins, CO
There's one fact that's very telling of Ohio. It's home to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I don't think you even have a shot at becoming the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame without being home to a bunch of drinkers. That's why I'm not surprised to see Ohio high up in the list, hitting us with a whopping 19.2% of adults drinking excessively. Cleveland does, indeed, rock.
They are only the 14th highest in alcohol-related deaths, though we're still talking about above 30%, so let's not celebrate. All that being said, the adults are generally healthy compared to other states, being the 24th lowest.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 19.2%- Alcohol-related driving deaths: 34.3% (14th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.3% (24th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Columbus, OH
I don't think I know much about Massachusetts outside of Boston, and I don't know if I want to know anymore than that. Boston is such a jewel that I think it's all I'll ever need to know or experience from Massachusetts. No offense to the rest of the state, of course. I can't help but think that Boston helps contribute heavily to the 19.5% of adults who drink excessively.
Luckily people are either walking or taking the bus after they drink because their alcohol-related deaths are the 10th lowest (or maybe they are just really good drunk drivers?). I knew a guy who used to brag about being a great drunk driver. I always thought it was a horrible brag because you're also saying that you're really good at endangering those around you.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 19.5%- Alcohol-related driving deaths: 27.8% (10th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.2% (15th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Barnstable Town, MA
Vermont is another United States OG. After the ratification of the constitution, Vermont jumped in and was like "sign me up!" Making it the 14th state. You must show respect to an OG, so if an OG wants to have an adult excessive drinking rate of 19.6%, you let them.
Give me some of that Vermont cheddar, baby! Whatever that cheddar is doing, I want some of it. Vermont has the lowest number of adults in fair or poor health. Not just low, but THE lowest at 11.4%. Is that where we should go to find superhumans? All I'm saying is that if we ever have another civil war, let's get Vermont on our side. They seem like a strong people.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 19.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 33.4% (17th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 11.4% (the lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Burlington-South Burlington, VT
Maine is the Northeasternmost state, so it practically has a crush on Canada. Can you imagine if all the states were in high school? That would totally be the rumor about Maine and Canada, even though it would be obvious that Maine had a crush on New Hampshire. For whatever reason, that totally makes sense to me.
Tiny little Maine packs quite a drinking punch. People are dying on the road left and right with a near 40% alcohol-related driving death percentage. What's the split? Either looking at your phone or being toasted out of your mind? Let's get it together just a little bit, Maine. Otherwise you're doing fine.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 19.6% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 39.8% (4th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.9% (21st lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Portland-South Portland, ME
Michigan is cold as hell. It's so cold that lakes just freeze overnight in the winter. Can you imagine skinny dipping and all of a sudden you're frozen? Then again, what are you doing skinny dipping in Michigan in the winter? It's not a surprise people would drink heavily. When the hater and blanket aren't doing the job you gotta move onto binge drinking.
20% is one fifth of the population, in case you're not a math nerd. That means one out of five people are down to part on my level. I say we head down to Lansing this December and party all night. We can even go skinny dipping- oh, wait. Nevermind.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 20.0% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 29.4% (16th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 16.8% (20th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Lansing-East Lansing, MI
Nebraska. Isn't there something so inherently tough about that name? It just sounds rugged. It sounds like something you say out in the prairie lands at the end of the day. Your hands calloused from a hard days work. You twist off the top of your mason jar filled to the brim with moonshine. You take a drink and say, "NEBRASKA."
Maybe it's like that. Maybe it's not like that. Either way, the percentage of adults who drink to excess is at 20.4%, and they've got the 9th highest alcohol-related deaths. Still, they are very healthy. It sounds like they just have to stay out of cars and they're fine.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 20.4% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 35.6% (9th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.4% (10th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Lincoln, NE
Some of these stats don't seem very fair to Hawaii. It is literally a place that people go to so they can relax and drink. That 20.5% of adults drinking to excess is just all those tourists coming and downing pina coladas. Then they leave and go die back in their homes, which makes sense of their 7th lowest rating in adults with poor health. See? It all makes sense when you do some digging.
The beautiful Hawaii does show us one of its demons though. Their alcohol-related driving deaths are the fifth highest at 38%. I'd like to see the data on alcohol-related surfing deaths. That's one thing you won't catch me doing. I will drink while playing basketball or even bullfighting, but if you think I'm going up against the ocean drunk, then you've got another thing coming.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 20.5% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 38.0% (5th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.1% (7th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Kahului-Wailuku-Lahaina, HI
Iowa. You do? How much? - that's a fun little joke you can try when people say Iowa. It's as if they said "I owe her." You get it. I'm full of them if you haven't noticed. That joke is a little bit CORNY though. That was about Iowa being so well known for corn. That's two for two!
Chances are that if I told that joke to a random person from iowa, they'd have a 21% chance of being trashed and laughing since that's the percent of adults who drink to excess. Those are pretty good odds! Good thing for them they are very low in their negative stats like alcohol-related deaths and poor health. Also, everyone I have ever met from Iowa are definitely the coolest people around.
Adults drinking excessively: 21.0% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 25.4% (7th lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 12.3% (4th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Iowa City, IA
Minnesota is known for having a ton of lakes, and if there's any activity you want to do at a lake it's drinking. Sure, you could swim, go boating, or anything like that, but we all know the true joy of a lake comes from having a drink while staring out at the still water. Am I right or am I just romanticizing ideas based on false narratives given in film and tv? *winky face emoji*
Minnesotans are drinking to excess on a whole other level at 21.1%, yet they are still the 3rd lowers in poor health. It's all those lakes. They do something good for your health.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 21.1% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 30.9% (21st lowest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 11.9% (3rd lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Mankato-North Mankato, MN
I love Illinois. In the Summer. I get a little grouchy about Illinois in the Winter, but in the Summer there's nothing better. Walking around the free, public zoo in Chicago, drinking to excess. That's what life is all about. Apparently 21.2% of the population agrees with me because their percent of adults who drink excessively is exactly that.
Obviously Illinois is at number five for a reason. The alcohol-related driving deaths are among the 15th highest, although when we think about Illinois we often think about the shooting deaths in Chicago. That's not a joke. It's just the grim face of reality. A sobering reminder of our own mortality (pun intended).
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 21.2% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 34.2% (15th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 15.6% (25th highest) - Drunkest metro area: Bloomington, IL
Montana is another one of those rugged states. I can't help but feel an old school type of kinship with Montana or anyone who lives there, even though nothing about me is rugged. I mean, do the kids there have to climb one or two mountains to get to school? I forget. I'm just kidding about that, but I am sure that any 9 year old from Montana could beat me up.
Montana has an insane amount of alcohol-related driving deaths. 46.3 percent? That's the second highest. That's disturbingly close to half. That's a fixable problem, folks. Can we put beds in the bars or something? We love you, people of Montana. Stop getting in cars after drinking!
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 21.8% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 46.3% (2nd highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.2% (16th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Missoula, MT
I'm more surprised that Alaska isn't number one on this list. I think that the only reason it isn't number on on the list is because of the lack of accessibility to alcohol that the other states have. I have a cousin who lives in Alaska and if she wants to order a pizza she has to pay $80 and it comes via a plane. I don't think for a second that Alaska has $80 pizzas yet their craft beer selection is plentiful. Of course people are going to drink. I'm kidding, relax. Alaska is one of the most beautiful places on planet earth.
Their adult population drinking to excess is at a whopping 22.1 percent, and they've got a high alcohol-related driving death percent. They are healthy, however, but you have to be in those extreme conditions (at least in some parts).
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 22.1% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 33.8% (16th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.7% (12th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Fairbanks, AK
The cheese state is number two? Who would have thought. Maybe the reason why people from Wisconsin are so friendly is because they are blitzed all the time. It would appear that way since one quarter of the population loves drinking to excess. Their stats are at 24.5%. Certainly we all enjoy a glass of chardonnay with a fine cheddar, but it turns out there's more people than I originally thought.
They're still pretty healthy though with only 14% of adults in fair or poor health. Looks like the cheese diet isn't the worst one for you. Without too much surprise Green Bay is the drunkest metro area, but given that their football team is the Green Bay Packers that's totally understandable.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 24.5% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 36.9% (8th highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 14.0% (13th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Green Bay, WI
And now for your number one spot. [drum roll] The most problematic drinking state in all of the United States of America is North Dakota! North Dakota is raising the bar on every level. 24.7% of adults are drinking to excess. They have the highest rate of alcohol-related driving deaths. Yet, they are the 9th lowert in adults with fair or poor health. At least something is working out.
I think if we learned anything it is that there isn't a direct correlation between excessive drinking, driving deaths, and health, but when you're number one in both driving deaths and drinking excessively maybe it's time to chill.
Statistics :
Adults drinking excessively: 24.7% - Alcohol-related driving deaths: 46.7% (the highest) - Adults in fair or poor health: 13.4% (9th lowest) - Drunkest metro area: Fargo, ND-MN
