Have you ever had a bad day? If the answer is no then you're either lucky, or you've lived so many bad days in a row that you no longer know what a good day feels like. Bad is your version of normal. I hope for your sake that it's the former, but the truth is, everyone has bad days.
Sometimes those bad days involve dropping your dessert. Other times those bad days involve getting hit by a bus. There's definitely a range, and hopefully the bad things that happen to you are only slightly bad. You know how much I care about you. I would never want you getting hit by a bus.
No matter how your day is going while you're reading this, I can guarantee that you're having a better day than these people. That's got to make you feel better, right? Once you get to number 32 you'll definitely feel better about where you are in life. Especially if you own a car.
We're looking at about ten dollars of wasted money right there, at the very least. Vending machine prices are total rip offs, so those are probably three or four dollar Gatorades. Unacceptable, especially when you can't even get your drink. This guy wanted his yellow Gatorade so bad that he just kept trying, even as the situation became more and more hopeless. Haven't you ever heard of shaking the machine? That's your right as a consumer if the machine isn't giving you your merchandise.
People get salty over Gatorade flavors. I once had a guy call me a piece of shit because I was enjoying an orange Gatorade. Something really set him off about it. I guess people are pretty passionate about it. We can all agree that blue is a great flavor though, right? Or are you thinking in your head, "what a piece of shit?"
Ah, man. You definitely have to feel bad for this lady. She's older, so maybe her eyesight isn't so good. She might have thought those Wet Paint signs were just random blobs on the street, or she didn't notice them at all. I like my Wet Paint signs in a little more visible spot. People are going to end up reading the signs right as they sit down. I guess it's better than missing a spot because of the sign, but I'd rather have a less-than-perfect bench than ruined clothes.
It sucks to have fresh paint on your clothes because you inevitably end up ruining everything around you. You can't sit anywhere new without messing it up, so getting on a bus or a car is a no go. You have no choice but to walk home like a painted idiot.
It looks like this is a bad situation whether there is someone else in the restroom or not. If there's someone there, apparently they just take a photo of the situation and don't help you at all. You have to meekly say, "please help me..." with your poop covered butt just hanging there. If there's no one in the restroom, then no one can help you and you have to drag your poopy butt out of the stall to go grab the toilet paper. God forbid someone comes inside the bathroom in the middle of that.
I'm actually thinking about bringing my own toilet paper with me everywhere I go. I already bring a backpack with me everywhere, so I might as well bring extra plush toilet paper with me. No longer will I have to deal with toilet paper that disintegrates in your hand. *Shudders*
Here's the transcription of the conversation ten minutes before this incident: "Would you like the Bad Driver Discount when transporting your father's casket to the cemetery?" / "Maybe. What's that entail?" / "It's half the price, but the driver might be so bad that your father's body never makes it to the grave. The driver might also have sex with the body." / "... fifty percent, you say?"
This isn't the best commercial for this hearse company. Let's hope they left the logo off the hearse or else I could see their business dipping after this incident. The driver is all, "it's OK, everyone. This guy murdered women. This is a good thing." That's how I'd try to save the situation so that I end up looking like the good guy. What can I say? I adapt quickly.
I guess this is the major problem with ladders. If the ladder falls, you're screwed. It's not like you can pull it back up or anything. You don't see that same problem with stairs. Unless there's an earthquake or termite infestation, stairs aren't going anywhere. You can always count on stairs. You can even count the steps on stairs, so you can literally count on them. That's a dumb joke, but you might as well enjoy it. I won't be around forever. One day you'll miss my dumb jokes.
For a young lad, this might not be so bad. Me and my friends used to jump off the roof all the time. That's when our bones were rubbery. They could take that kind of fall. Now if I walk down stairs too quickly I end up getting an ankle fracture.
There are two types of people in the world. Note: both are having a bad day. The first type is the type who drops the spoon in the beans, which sucks, and then uses a utensil to grab the spoon. The second type is the type who drops the spoon in the beans, which sucks, and then grabs the spoon with their hand, burning themselves, which sucks even more. There's a lesson there. Once things are going bad, they don't get better. They can only get worse. No one has ever dropped their spoon in the beans and then found a million dollars. It just doesn't happen.
Honestly, that spoon wasn't formidable enough to take on that pot. They were asking for this to happen. I get it though. I came from a family who would use one fork to cook everything.
This is what happens when people text while they work. You wouldn't see McDonalds in the 80s do this. This is a millennial problem. This cook was probably checking their instagram mentions while putting together a burger and then this monstrosity happened. This wouldn't be so bad if the cheese was all the way around the burger. Think about that. A cheesy coating surrounding the burger. They say the best inventions were accidents. This could have been the accident that led to a great invention.
I wish I was served this at a McDonalds so I could go back up to the counter and say, "ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, I'm NOT loving it." I'd wait for an applause break, or at least a giggle or too, and then I'd get my new burger. Those are the types of things I fantasize about.
Some people think that violent video games cause kids to go to schools and shoot them up. This just isn't true. Any of the evidence and studies pointing towards this are incredibly flawed. What violent video games DO cause are situations like this. Have you ever been playing Grand Theft Auto and tried to grind a car? I know I have. Every time I drive by something like this I consider trying to grind on it. Thanks a lot, videogames.
I can't even believe we let as many people drive as we do. I know so many people who if you were to ask me, "should this person have access to a two thousand pound machine that can go ninety miles per hour?" I'd say hell no to most of the people I know. They simply shouldn't be trusted with such a power.
I used to work in an auto shop for a short time. It wasn't a short time because I ended up getting fired for dropping a car, but I did live in fear of dropping a car every single day. As long as you're careful, this won't happen. There are specific places on the car that are made for the lift to attach to. Except for an earthquake, nothing will knock it down when done right. Still, the stress of knowing that this could the be outcome of my mistake made me not want to work there anymore. That and my boss said I always smelled like weed.
Imagine walking up to the mechanic to check on your car and seeing this. I wouldn't know what to say. I'm such a nice guy I'd probably just tell them that it's OK.
As odd and hilarious as this photo is, let's all take in the fact that this situation could have easily led to several deaths. To think that we're all just one falling car away from seeing the end of our lives. It's not like we can walk around in fear of this happening, but Jesus Christ, when's the last time you went on the mall escalator and thought you might die by getting crushed? Falling, maybe, but not getting crushed by a car. It's all very sobering (and I need to sober up. I had three beers for breakfast).
This is further proof that some people shouldn't be driving. The only way I'll give this driver a pass is if there was a bee or a spider in their car. You have every right to freak out and crash if that happens.
Here's a tip for you. Don't drive directly under a flock of migrating birds. Those birds don't have any time to stop to poop. They're just going to let it go. If you're in a direct line, you're going to get every single bathroom break that they unleash. They're like women on their periods too. They'll all go at the exact same time. That's how you get your car painted like this person did. Either that or they deeply disrespected these birds. Between pecking your eyes out or pooping all over your car, I wouldn't want to disrespect any birds.
The worst part about bird poo on your car is that it'll destroy the paint. There's some kind of acid in it or something. Make sure you clean that off right away, or else your car will have permanent poop spots.
You'll never see something like this happen with velcro. Velcro is the ultimate form of locking your shoe to your foot. I know it might look a little goofy, but think about all the time I save not having to tie my shoe. Over the course of my life I'll probably end up saving a whole two minutes. That's worth looking like a goon, isn't it? Plus you don't have to worry about getting stuck to an office chair. If this has ever happened to you then you know that you're going to lose a shoelace at the very least. Don't bother trying to get it out. You'll just waste an hour of your life.
Let's say you hate your job and want to screw around for an hour. Make this happen to your shoelace. You can spend an hour of work time trying to get it out. No one will notice or care because they all hate their lives just as much as you do.
Right now, as you read this, this is happening to someone. They're out in the sun, not thinking about applying sunscreen, and their legs are slowly cooking because of it. No matter how much public knowledge is out there about the dangers of the sun, people will still forget to apply sunscreen. It's just the way the world is. I like it that way though. We all have someone to laugh at (until it's our turn).
I can't believe some of the sunburns that are third degree burns. How the hell do you get third degree burns just by standing somewhere? That's insane to me. It backs up my belief that the world will one day end when we all get cooked over the course of twenty minutes. The temperature will just keep rising until we all die in line at Jamba Juice.
We're looking at a fifteen hundred dollar computer, at the very minimum. A computer connected to the monitor. I cannot tell you how much of a whooping my kid would get if they did this. I know that beating your children isn't PC, but the majority of people haven't been beating their children for quite some time now and can you say that things look like they're going well? Things are not going well. I'm going to blame that on us not beating our children. Did you hear that? That's me losing half the room.
Kids will be kids. There's a certain age where you can't even be mad at them for doing this. You still have to talk to them about it, but at two years old, they don't know what the hell they are doing.
Well, this person wins for worst day ever. It really makes you question the next time you're going to ask a stranger, "how was your day?" You might end up getting this response. If you don't buy that person a beer right then and there, then you aren't a kind person. That's a person who needs to get drunk right away. Unless drinking while having a concussion can kill you. I'm not sure about that and I feel like that's something I should know.
I want to know who this jerk in the leather mask is. First off, who wears a leather mask? That's so uncomfortable. What a creep. Secondly, you couldn't have spared the dog? Only the most evil of people kill dogs. I mean, obviously this person is evil, but it's a next level of evil to kill a dog.
Here's the thing about the police amphibian unit. They don't get to be used a lot, but when they do... they totally screw it up. Obviously the police amphibian unit isn't a real thing because that would be ridiculous. Almost as ridiculous as these guy's plan. Did they really duct tape the front grill to protect the engine from water? They didn't realize that there are hundreds of other ways for water to get in? This is dumb people trying to be smart. If you're a dumb person (and trust me, you should know if you're a dumb person), and you think you're doing something really smart, back out immediately. The chances that what you're doing is actually an intelligent idea are very slim.
This is where your tax money goes, folks. This sixty thousand dollar truck got fixed with our money.
What really sucks about dropping a drink on your car upholstery is not losing your tasty beverage. It's the fact that you have to clean your seats afterwards. Chances are you were on your way somewhere, so you'll most likely have to let the stain sit for a couple of hours. By the time you get back your entire car smells like curdled milk. I once had a car that smelled like beans for years because I had spilled some from a catering platter. You think that sound delicious? On a hot day it is not pleasant.
What really breaks my heart about this is the fact that this person was really hoping that things were going to go well. That's God's way of saying, "you don't call the shots around here. I'll show you who's having a good day"
No one needed or wanted to see this man in a dress. For that reason, we have all lost. It makes you wonder what kind of bet this was. It could have been a sports bet, or something that came up during a game of poker. There's also the chance that this guy got hit with one of those surprise bets where someone knows information you don't, so they bet you on it. Then they pull out a newspaper. "I bet you Trump is separating undocumented children from their families." / "Stupid. I take that bet." *five minute later* "Can you button my dress for me?"
Let me get very woke for a second. You can tell me how annoying it is. This "punishment" is transphobic and homophobic, and probably another phobic too if I looked harder. Why is a man dressing as a woman a bad thing? My woke side calls foul!
I think it's time that porcupines leave Earth. Porcupines have never been an animal that helps anybody. Think about what a porcupine does. Does a porcupine do ANYTHING to help the world? They just walk around and get their spines in you. I don't even think they taste good. Even if they did, you'd have to pull every single spine out, which is a huge pain in the butt. You know what else is a huge pain in the butt? Sitting on a porcupine.
Now that porcupines are climbing and falling out of trees, that's the last straw. A lot of creatures can fall out of a tree on top of you: squirrels and bugs to name a few. None of them are as bad as a porcupine falling on top of you. It doesn't help that they weigh about twenty to thirty pounds.
I had a friend who had this happen to him while he was driving on the freeway. I tried to get him to tell me exactly how scared me was when it happened, but the doctors kept saying, "I don't think he's going to make it. I think your time is better served saying goodbye." He ended up making it, but he still never told me (he's alive but still in the coma).
You have to hope that you went to an automotive repair chain shop if this happens to you. That way you can sue the pants off of them. If this is your fault then there isn't much you can do. If this happened at a small, family owned shop then you won't win any money. You'll just make a very powerful enemy.
I don't have too much sympathy for this person and I'll tell you why. I've driven stick shift all of my life, and I've been living in Los Angeles for ten years. I don't know if you've ever driven stick shift in bumper to bumper traffic, but it is not fun. Do that day after day and you start to get murderous thoughts. I'd kill for a broken automatic shifter knob. It's not like you have to shift several times while driving. You just have to put it down to drive and then... drive. It's that simple.
I get it though. It sucks for anything to break, and for those people who are easily shaken, this would be quite scary. The thing is, that button on the side just presses that button that's on top there. There's no magic to it. Everything will be fine.
Let's just ignore the many typos in this image. I'm not sure if this was from a valid news source or just some guy in his basement who gets paid by Russia to make these, but it could have used an editor. That just goes to show you, be wary of any news that comes on an image. That's not how good news gets spread. I don't mean to be unkind, but if you share a piece of meme news, you're an idiot.
Now for this lady. This should be considered a crime. There's no way this guy was going to say no. It would be so embarrassing for her, even though she deserved it. It would be better if the guy could quietly step out for a "smoke" and call the police for help. This is psychotic behavior.
On the one hand this means nothing. With how many people there are who play the lotto, having this happen has about the same chances as someone actually winning (which are very rare). On the other hand, this is one of the most crushing blows you can experience. Millions stripped away from you only because you were one number off. You might as well quit the lotto after that.
Every once in a while I'll buy a scratcher ticket with the hopes of changing my life. I swear to God, all I need is enough to pay off my credit card bill and I'd be happy. I don't need anything more than that. Someone, please send me money. LOL. Can you imagine if I got out of debt because a rich commenter sent me money? I could write an article about that.
Quick! Take the picture and then grab that ice cream. The top half is perfectly fine. Let's not let some perfectly melted ice cream go to waste just because some of it touched the disgusting car floor. It may not feel right, but that's a totally valid thing to do. Let's say your piece of pizza falls on the floor, obviously you don't want to eat that anymore. Let's say your hamburger falls on the floor though. You still have two thirds of a hamburger that is untouched by germs. Don't fear the floor.
The disturbing thing about this is that this person was obviously about to eat a carton of ice cream while sitting in their car. What's going on in their lives that made them resort to this? I'm not saying that I've never done it, but when I have it's been because I was in terrible shape.
The fact that this could happen to a duck is pretty horrifying. What a slow, horrible death. It's either slowly starve or let someone punch you in the face. Either way it sucks. It's not like ducks can make themselves a cup of warm tea. They just have to deal with whatever elements are out there. What a life. You could say that it's for the birds.
I've seen pictures of people whose beards have frozen, or the water dripping from their tailpipe freezes. No thanks! That's not the type of cold I want to be in. Sure, my body runs a little warm, but what's to stop it from freezing to death? Absolutely nothing. I don't know how the Eskimos do it. That's why we need to be preserving Eskimo culture as much as possible. Those are some smart people.
If you take the bus, you'll have some stories. That's just the fact of them atter. There's no way you get out of being in an enclosed space that's hot, with thirty other strangers who are all pissed off about taking the bus, and come out without any stories. Even if you sleep the entire time on the bus, you'll have some intense dreams. This picture tells one such story.
I see one woman on the right who looks concerned, but other than that, there is no sense of concern going on here. There's a guy on the left who is just looking out the window like it's a casual, normal day. If I were on that bus I'd be rushing to help this woman. That way I could get on the nightly news and have my fifteen minutes of fame.
Wet cement can be fun to put your hand or footprints in as a memento, but it's no good to drive in. When I was young I'd find wet cement and I'd put my toy cars in it. Soon after I'd realize that I wasn't going to be getting my toy cars back. That's when I decided, at a young age, that I wouldn't drive in wet cement. This driver should have learned his lesson with toy cars instead of his big, expensive real car.
It's one thing to get caught doing an illegal turn. It's another thing when you get caught because you have to call for help after getting stuck doing the illegal turn. Think about it, this guy had to call the cops so they could help him. That's like turning yourself in.
This is what happens when you try to haul 80 million pounds of bricks on a one ton truck.
I hate guys who drive huge trucks but never haul a single thing. What a waste of everything. It's a waste of space and a waste of gas, just so the drive can feel like a big man. That's literally all it is. There's no benefit to having a huge truck when you don't haul anything. That's your lizard brain telling you, "I need a big truck to show everyone I'm tough or else a bigger animal might eat me." It's pathetic. I'm sure there will be some truck drivers in the comments who give a bunch of other reasons for wanting a truck, but all of those reasons will just be tied to the root reason of trying to posture.
Dogs couldn't be good drivers even if they tried. What I mean by that is they don't have the hands for it. A dog could be smart as a human, but without any hands to grip the wheel, it's not going to go down well. The dog could use its mouth, but then how are they going to see? When you think of it that way, you start to realize that maybe cars weren't built for dogs to drive.
For as much as people love their dogs, you never see a dog wearing a seat belt. Imagine if you crashed with a dog in the car. We freak out when our kids don't wear seatbelts, but not our dogs. Would you ever risk having your kid in the car without a seatbelt? The answer is probably no (unless you hate your kid).
If you're car is going to be completely ruined on one side, you might as well use it as a public service announcement. I kind of want some horrible cosmetic damage to one side of my car so I can have an excuse to paint a mural on it. I wouldn't do that now because my crappy mural would hurt the resale value, but if the resale value was already affected, why not? I'd probably paint a picture of myself, but super buff.
Can people just stop texting while driving? There are so many deaths and injuries every year from it, yet people keep doing it because they think it'll never be them who dies. The numbers don't lie. It's going to be someone. I'd rather lessen my chances by not texting and driving. *this was written while I was driving.*
I've never been the type of guy who goes on roller coasters. I'll admit it. I'm afraid. Heights terrify me, and corporations terrify me. You put the two together and you get a rollercoaster: a ride that is probably poorly maintained, not properly tested, and insured to make more money off of your death than not. They have insurance policies that mean when you fall out of a rollercoaster, they might get some bad press, but they'll also get a couple million dollars.
The next worst thing to dying is exactly what happened to these people. The ride breaks down and you're stuck in the world's most uncomfortable positions. Luckily they weren't upside down. Nevertheless, this is a horrible position to be in. At any moments you could fall backwards while being rescued. Hopefully you aren't connected to the ride and the cherry picker when that happens.
This is what happens when you don't spend the extra three dollars on lids for your paint buckets. "No, honey. The lids are a rip off. As long as I drive really careful, we'll be fine." Every guy thinks they are a better driver than they actually are, myself included. Actually, every guy thinks they are better at everything than they actually are, so things like this end up happening. You gotta love male bravado. It leads to a lot of funny fail videos and pictures like this.
What do you even do after this happens? I wouldn't know where to start with cleaning this kind of mess. I don't think you can. I think you're supposed to just sell the car at that point. Take off a grand from the Blue Book value and move on.
It's crazy how much of the world kids don't understand. This kid is crying because his prized lollipop is gone, but what he doesn't understand is that there are billions of other lollipops all over the world. What a horrible life to live. It's a good thing that kids lose their memories after the age of two. They don't need all those memories of being confused and horrified.
Boy is that cat not happy about the situation. Not to say that the cat should be happy about it, but it looks like that cat saw the kid crying and then tried to copy him. The cat is trying to do the scrunchy crying face, but you can't fake tears. Not unless you're an actor, and no offense, but I don't think that cat has taken an acting class in his life.
This is what I imagined happening leading up to this picture: This guy - let's call him Phil - can't see a thing without his glasses. One day while waiting to get on the bus for a class trip, his glasses got dirty. Still blinded, he got on the bus and sat down. This picture is the exact moment after he cleaned his glasses and put them back on. "I've made a terrible mistake."
Can you imagine how terrified you'd be sitting among a bunch of convicted criminals? Who knows, maybe some of these guys are nice guys and all, but you just don't know. At any point they could snap, especially if they have a life sentence. You know what a life sentence in prison means? It means kill all the people in prison that you want.
Oh, man. Out of all the cars to drive, this guy had to drive the convertible. Convertibles are dangerous as is. If you roll the car, you're dead. If a bird poops, you're covered in poop. Nothing good can come out of driving a convertible. Except maybe getting chicks, but then it has to be a nice convertible. In this case, riding in the convertible could lead to getting shit all over, literally.
I really hope those are fresh port-o-potties. It's not like they store all the poop. That's what the septic tanks are for, but unless it's brand new, a port-o-potty is going to spray you with toxic material. I say toxic material as a euphemism for poo poo and pee pee. There could be other stuff in there too. Let's not talk about the other stuff though.
She doesn't look to be in good shape. Why is this guy's first reaction to take a photo? Shouldn't the proper response be to run to the person and see if they are ok? This is why our culture is going down the drain. We'd rather document things than live them. That's all fine and dandy when you're at a concert, but when someone needs CPR it's better to put the phone down (unless you're looking up how to do CPR).
I can't imagine what this girl was doing up there. She was either between the ceiling and the panels, or she fell through the floor from the floor above. That's a much more brutal fall, and comes with a lot more questions. For anyone who has every tried to crawl on the paneling right below the actual ceiling, you know that falling is inevitable.
The good thing about this is that no one is going to get into their car. Not even them. It's the permanent lock. For those times when you don't want to drive. The only way in is to smash your window. I could see that being good for avoiding a DUI though. If you think you're going to get hammered, just rip the handle off your door. That's way cheaper to replace than what a DUI costs. Not that I would know....
I hate cheap cars that break like this. This exact thing happened to my hatchback so now I can't ever use it to haul things. My windows won't roll down anymore either. Slowly my car is just falling apart because it's cheap. See how I blame the car instead of blaming myself for buying something cheap in the first place? That's my best quality.
That's one way to get unlimited gas... if you're a complete and utter moron. "Check it out, Chuck. I have unlimited gas now. What do you mean that's crazy? As long as the nozzle thingy is in the car then it's got gas, right?" I hope you read that in a very specific Southern accent. Sorry to Southerners in general. You know I just mean that one type of Southern guy. The type we all make fun of.
It's quite bizarre that they would have gotten out of their car and not noticed. Were they in a Twitter war with someone as they were getting out of the car and just didn't look up from their phone? That's highly likely in today's society. Or it's likely that my unlimited gas scenario was actually the truth.
Here's the proof that dog is man's best friend, not woman's best friend. You won't see a dog peeing on a man like this. *Someone comes over and whispers something in my ear* Oh, so we do have a bunch of pictures of that happening too? Oh, ok. Got it. Nevermind then. I guess dogs just don't respect anyone except for the person who feeds them. When you grow up being able to pee wherever you want, you'd be kind of a jackass too.
I wouldn't mind seeing a couple of pictures of what happened after this. That's where the story gets really interesting. This could be a meet cute between her and the dog's owner. I could see a Jennifer Aniston/Adam Sandler movie opening like that. Sure, it would be terrible, but I could see it in my head.
What did this girl expect? He doesn't know you. He's not going to include you in the picture where he looks super ripped. I'd do the same thing or else you just get a bunch of people asking you who that person is. You're like, "I really have no idea. Please stop asking." Plus, he's the Notorious Conor McGregor. His whole thing is that he acts like a jackass. You're lucky he didn't post the picture and make fun of you.
Last thing I heard about Conor McGregor is that he threw a chair at a bus and hurt a couple of MMA fighters. If the dude wants to get into the WWE, just go ask Vince McMahon. No need to put people in danger. Then again, I'm surprised more MMA fighters aren't seen throwing chairs around.
Please tell me that Ronald Wayne is doing something else with his life. Tell me that he's at least well off. At this point the Apple company should just throw him a couple thousand dollars every once and a while just because. It only seems fair. Maybe I'm only saying that because I expect to one day make just as foolish of a mistake. I'd want the rich people to have mercy on me if that were to ever happen.
How could anything be worth fifty eight billion dollars? It just doesn't make sense. There shouldn't even be that much money in the world. Can an economics professor please explain this to me? Money doesn't even make sense. Sometimes I'm holding a bunch of cash and I just think, "all it takes it one guy at the top saying that these are worthless and then poof. They are worthless."
It looks like this dude won't be clocking out early. Whatever his job was before, for the next couple of hours it'll be "guy who stands on a ladder until help arrives." I actually wonder how common this is. We've seen one other picture like this so far. Think about all the times when no one had a camera to take photo evidence of the tragedy. It seems like this should be pretty common based on ladder design, though I don't remember the last time I was on a ladder and worried about it happening. I guess that's how the best accidents happen.
Cell phones are amazing pieces of technology. Back in the old days this guy would have starved to death up there. He wouldn't have come home to his family that night and they'd have just assumed that he left them forever, the way men did back then.
You'd think you'd check the forecast before going out cruising in your convertible. "Hey, Dave. Don't you drive a convertible?" / "Why, yes. I do. Why do you ask?" / "Because it's pouring rain and I can see your car filled up like it's a swimming pool." It would suck if this driver couldn't use the cover and always had to drive like this. They just bring an umbrella with them whenever it rains, and their care always smells like your grandma's mildewy house. I don't know why I had to bring your grandma into this, but boom. I did it.
Are we sure this isn't a screenshot from The Office? I think Michael Scott drove a company car that looked just like that, plus this is something he would do. Looks like I have an excuse to rewatch all of The Office now. In the name of research.
You scream. I scream. We all scream for ice cream. Then we scream again after we drop our ice cream. That's how the old saying goes, right? Or would you call that a song? I'm not sure what it is, but we can all agree it's been stuck in our heads since childhood. This woman is demonstrating the adult reaction to dropping your ice cream. Incredible, quiet sorrow. A child would be screaming and crying. An adult has already died a long time ago.
The best place to drop anything is in the place that you bought it. You can get a free replacement when that happens. It's harder to get a free replacement when you've already left. Then you just look like a liar. "I dropped my ice cream again." / "Sir, we can clearly see you dropping the ice cream out into a bucket out there and then coming in to get more."
Shitty handy work costs you more than just the labor. It costs you all the plates, cups, and glasses that break when that shitty handy work falls apart. It could have been much worse too. Think if there was a kid chilling in the kitchen when this happened. He'd be crushed and cut to hell. Even an adult would get pretty injured from this happening. This is why you can't get your handyman from the Home Depot parking lot. Not because their work isn't good quality, but because you can't sue them afterward.
Does anyone have fine china anymore? I know I don't and I'm an adult man. I know many of my adult friends who don't have fine china either. Are me and all my friends just big losers? The answer is yes, but that can't be why we don't have fine china.
I'm really wondering what he was doing digging in that trash can. I hope he's not a spy who was supposed to pick up a piece of sensitive information in the trash can. "What were you doing, sir?" / "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you." *Instantly gets arrested.* Most likely this is just a guy looking for recyclables. The streets of a Los Angeles are filled with these people. They don't have a traditional job for one reason or another (no judgement here), so they collect recyclables. You have to make a living somehow, right?
I feel like he should be able to get out of that simply by turning his head to the side. Then again, when you're panicking you don't end up making the wisest decisions, especially if your nose is filled with the smell of trash.
This is why humans weren't meant to live in freezing temperatures. When it takes forty minutes just to start your car, you're living in a place where humans weren't meant to be. I've always lived in sunny California, so the biggest car hassle I have to deal with is when I get in on a hot day and the steering wheel melts onto my hands. To be fair though, that's pretty terrible. It's not "ruin your car" terrible though.
To think that the simple act of forgetting to roll your car window down would be a mistake that costs you thousands of dollars. You have to replace the whole car at this point. I don't see any other alternative. It's time to call your insurance company and hope that they throw you a bone on this one.
You know what's better than free will? The illusion of free will. Some would argue that people don't actually want to be free. They wouldn't know what to do with themselves if they were truly free. Everyone would go crazy and die meaningless lives. I think it's the Illuminati who argues that. I don't remember though. It's been a while since I've been to an Illuminati meeting. I still use my discount card though. Illuminati members get 10% off their Starbucks purchase. It doesn't seem like a lot but it adds up.
Why do I bring up the illusion of free will? Because that's exactly what this picture depicts. Sometimes just the feeling that you can control something, like the temperature, is enough to make you feel good. You don't actually need the temperature changed. The mind is a powerful tool.
I love clapbacks in the form of signs. You see this a lot in work offices of all kinds. Like when someone posts a picture on the work fridge that says, "whoever keeps eating my sandwich, please stop." Then the next day they'll find a picture of their eaten sandwich with a note that says, "no." That's the kind of workplace drama that I live for. Unfortunately I work from home... alone. The only person eating my sandwich is myself.
This specific sign clapback is extra saucy and creative. I love how it uses the medium to answer the question. The answer is written, and the answer is in HOW it is written. Now that's creativity, folks. This person could get a job at an art institute if they just use this picture as their application.
I really hope this guy isn't part of the wedding party. That's not a great way to show up to your friend's wedding. It would be one thing if they actually wore something nice and THEN passed out on the lawn. At least they'd be well dressed. That would count for something. Here's a tip: always wear a suit. If you're wearing a suit, even if you're hungover and sick, you'll still look pretty good. People will respect you a little bit more than if you look hungover while wearing sweats and a tank top.
Let's hope this man stayed asleep for the entirety of the wedding. Nothing ruins a wedding quicker than a drunk dude waking up from his stupor. Think how confused he would be to be in the middle of a wedding. That'll sober you up.
