Let's face it, as much as we love movies, we've all seen more bad movies than good movies. That's because it's hard to make a good movie. If you don't believe me, try making one. Even getting the simplest camera shot can prove time consuming and hard to get right.
Once you look into specific types of movies, you can see that they have a higher chance at being downright horrible. Take remakes, reboots, sequels, and prequels for example. We all know by now that we should be wary of any movie that's a reboot, sequel, or prequel. There will be many of them on this list.
While some of these might be so bad that they are kind of fun, many of them are just so bad that they are unwatchable. See if your favorite movie made the list. It might make you realize that you have bad taste. Knowing is half the battle. Most likely you'll agree that these films are bad. Now let's dive in. Also note that these movies all got a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes.
Sequels are a difficult breed of movie. They almost always go down in flames. That's because unlike television, movies are meant to have a definite ending. The ending is the hero's journey. Hopefully by the end, the hero has changed. That leaves a big problem for the sequel. What's the main character supposed to do? 'Staying Alive' is a sequel to the hit movie that pretty much made John Travolta, 'Saturday Night Fever.'
John Travolta stars in the sequel along with Cynthia Rhodes, though his star power wasn't enough to save this one. What went wrong with this movie is fairly easy to see once you see who wrote, directed, and produced it. Writer: Sylvester Stallone. Director: Sylvester Stallone. Producer: Sylvester Stallone. Get the picture? This was before he the chops he would need to make a great film, like he later would with 'The Expendables.'
The first 'Jaws' is a well known classic. If you get film nerds in a room together and bring up 'Jaws,' they won't stop talking about it. That's because it was new, surprising, and most importantly, well crafted. Two Jaws movies later and the surprise most definitely wore off. That and the well crafted nature of the first movie was completely gone. The audience may have been screaming for more Jaws, but never listen to audiences. They have no idea what they're talking about.
'Jaws: The Revenge' was made in 1987 and stars Michael Caine and Mario Van Peebles. Mario Van Peebles would later star in 'Solo,' also a bad movie, while Michael Caine ended up in dozens of movies that we love. This movie tried to blow out the world of Jaws, forgetting that what audiences found most interesting and terrifying was the juxtaposition of everyday life with unknown danger.
I think that pretty much every parody/satire movie gets a little exhausting by its fourth installment. Look at a franchise like 'Scary Movie.' They deeply diminish with every iteration. By the fourth one, it's just one long fart joke. I bring this up because the 'Police Academy' series is no different. While the first couple of movies are fun and surprising, the fourth gets into cringeworthy territory. I mean, how many jokes can you make about cops before things get staler than a stale donut?
The whole premise is that these guys are volunteer police officers, so they aren't exactly the cream of the crop. That's where the humor is supposed to come from anyway. This one stars Steve Guttenberg, Bobcat Goldthwait, and Sharon Stone. Those are all great actors, so you can't blame them. Stale is stale.
In case it helps your movie going experience, Max stands for Mysterious Alien Creature. That's right. It's an acronym, just like another similar movie by the title of E.T., an acronym for Extra Terrestrial. That's only the beginning of the blatant rip offs in this movie. There are some things in this movie that are very different than E.T., but overall it's a blatant attempt at co-opting E.T.'s success.
The cool thing about this movie is that it's about a disabled boy in a wheelchair. You don't see too many movies starring disabled main characters. Too bad they wasted it on this bizarre movie. The main problem is that the aliens don't look cute at all. They look like monkeys who've been shaved bald. I'll take my monkeys hairy, thank you.
The Highlander series is often quotes in popular culture. That's because there can be only one Highlander, leading to the quote "There can be only one." Look out for that line in popular culture. If you didn't understand it before, now you will. That won't make 'Highlander 2: The Quickening' any better of a movie though. It stars Christopher Lambert, as well as James Bond himself, Sean Connery.
Not that the first one was ever set out to win film awards, this movie is so bad that people have desperately tried to recut it so that it can be made somewhat salvageable. The worst part about it is that this movie undoes a lot of things that people liked from the first movie. It's like if the newest Star Wars started out by saying, "everything that happened with Luke Skywalker was just a dream."
'The Blue Lagoon' is a great movie about two young people falling in love as they survive on a deserted island. It's a unique take on how love can build and be tested. It's kind of like the 'Cast Away' starring Tom Hanks, except a rom com, sort of. As for 'Return to the Blue Lagoon,' it's the same plot except newer. It turns out that just doing the same exact movie again doesn't make for a great movie.
This one stars the beautiful Mila Jovovich and Brian Krause. The plot is the same, but the vibe is completely off. In some ways I'd call it a reboot, because that's exactly what it is. They rebooted the whole story. We all know how successful reboots are - I'm being sarcastic, if you can't tell by reading that.
I rented this movie countless times when I was young. I blame my slow development on that. I think I could have graduated high school earlier if I wouldn't have binge watched this movie. It's the third sequel to 'Look Who's Talking.' The first one is a great concept. The concept is that we can hear what the babies are thinking. The sequel, 'Look Who's Talking Too' brings a baby sister into the mix. Even that movie felt pretty fresh. Bruce Willis plays the voice of one of the babies, sparking his penchant for voicing young characters (Bruno the Kid, anyone?).
The third movie had no choice but to bring dogs into the picture. Surely they couldn't just make it about a third kid, but dogs? Nothing feels the same in this movie. It feels like John Travolta needed to buy another private jet.
"A Low Down Dirty Shame" is a Wayans brothers film, which means it could go either way from being hilarious and awesome, or like something you'd find in the $1.99 DVD section of a 7-11. This one stars Keenen Ivory Wayans, who was the host of the sketch comedy show, In Living Color. Alongside him is Jada Pinkett Smith. While I enjoy Jada PInkett Smith's acting on most occasions, it's not enough to make this movie anywhere near watchable.
The movie is about a detective, played by Keenan Ivory Wayans. It is also directed, written, and produced by Keenan Ivory Wayans. That's a tough thing to do - write, direct, and act in your own movie. That means there's no one there to tell you that what you're writing isn't funny, or what you're doing isn't funny. That makes sense of why none of this movie is very funny.
John Candy is the star of some classic films like 'Uncle Buck.' As far as I'm concerned, he's comedy royalty. Richard Lewis is another very funny guy, though his area of expertise is stand up comedy. I'm a fan of both, but somehow when they were put together for 'Wagons East!' the pairing isn't so good. How can two stars come together to make such crap? I blame cocaine. It was the mid-90s after all.
I'm surprised because I really love the genre of this movie. I don't just mean comedy. I also mean the fact that it's a wild west comedy about two guys who are complete idiots. I love people acting stupid in the wild west. There are so many funny ways to act stupid! But like a blind cowboy, this movie misses every shot.
'Shadow Conspiracy' is peak Charlie Sheen at a time before he injected himself with Tiger Blood, or whatever the heck he did with Tiger Blood. I don't even know what it is (I think it might be HIV, but I'm not sure). This is around the time he started his relationship with Denise Richards, so you know he was on one. Great career. Banging wife. He must have felt like he could do no wrong. Too bad he could do very wrong.
He stars alongside Donald Sutherland (Kiefer Sutherland's father) who has been in quite a few stinkers, as well as Linda Hamilton. It's a movie about the assassination of the president. The reason why this movie came out so bad is that it only took 19 days to shoot. That's not a long time for a feature film.
So there's an immediate red flag when it comes to the movie '3 Strikes.' You could even call it a strike, if you will. For one, it's written and directed by a guy named DJ Pooh. No joke. His name is DJ Pooh. While he's had a good career beyond this movie, the fact remains that his name is DJ Pooh. That's just not something I can't get past.
This movie is about a guy who has 2 strikes against him, so if he were to get one more criminal conviction, he'd go to prison for life. It's a very controversial policy, and this movie set out to take that policy on. Surprise, it's neither a good indictment of the three strikes penalty, nore is it all that good. Not even comedy legend Mo'Nique can make this movie good.
'Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever' had all the making for success. It had two sexy leads in Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu. It had a cool, yet indecipherable name. And it looked to be a stylized action film. Aside from having some eye candy, the movie is dull. I'm still not sure what the title means, and I've seen the movie. Were they trying to make Ecks and Sever into characters that the world would know and love? It's not like Spiderman Vs. Batman. No one knows who Ecks or Sever is.
When it comes to action movies, people just want action scenes that surprise them. That's not the case with 'Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever.' Nothing ruins an action movie faster than not having unique action scenes. It's not like people show up for the dialogue.
Don't get this confused with another movie called 'Derailed.' That one is actually good. You know how you know this one isn't good? It has Jean-Claude Van Damme in it. Before the Jean-Claude Van Damme fans come after me, know that I love his movies, but they aren't always categorized into the category of good movies. Sometimes we love them for all the wrong reasons.
This movie is a crime thriller, but it lacks any of the thrills. Yes, there is a crime involved, so at least it has that, but the whole thing is way too predictable. Give me predictable as long as you also give me awesome one-liners and Jean-Claude Van Damme's signature splits. This movie is part of a long phase of JCVD movies that just aren't very good. Some of you may be asking if there was any other phase.
Beware of any movie labeled as an erotic thriller. Erotic is one of those terms that gets thrown around, yet there is never anything good about that term. While there may be some fans of adult content who disagree with me, I would argue that the adult content you watch never describes itself as erotic. The word erotic comes in when the content isn't sexy enough to be lude. "Want to get sort of turned on yet scared too? Try our erotic thriller!"
This one stars Heather Graham and Joseph Fiennes in the two spicy lead roles. The movie is based off of a book, but the movie takes the erotic storyline between the two main characters and runs with it. It was the director's first American language film, and also his last. Is there any surprise there?
'Merci Docteur Rey!' is described as a gay comedy from 2002. If that sounds worrisome to you, it should. Movies in 2002 weren't known for being very subtle, especially when it comes to gay tropes. That means you're going to get some of the worst comedy you've ever seen, all in the name of being farcical.
I could try to describe the plot to you, but it makes my brain hurt just reading a plot summary to try and understand it. Since I've never seen it, I can't give you first-person notations on my thoughts on the film. That being said, if you're going to make a gay comedy, do it right. We can all count the number of gay-centric films on our hand. Don't blow it for everyone else by making crud like this.
Roberto Benigni is a very talented actor and filmmaker. He's the type of actor who has that magic twinkle in their eye. He can sell things that no one else can sell, which makes his movies incredibly unique. He usually casts himself as the main characters since he has such a good idea of what he'll be able to convey on screen. If you haven't seen his film, 'Life is beautiful,' you need to watch it immediately. It's a work of art. So, what about 'Pinocchio?'
'Pinocchio' is really good. *my nose grows* Oops! But seriously, this is an attempted remake of the animated story, except with real people and puppets. As you can see from the screenshots, it looks incredibly bizarre. Any good will you have toward the Pinocchio character is immediately ruined when you see this creepy guy walk out in makeup.
There was a time when the National Lampoon name meant something in film. I know that seems like an impossible time when you think back to movies like 'National Lampoon's: Gold Diggers' or 'National Lampoon's Presents Dorm Daze,' but those aren't what I'm talking about. I'm talking about movies like 'Animal House' and 'Caddyshack.' Those movies literally changed comedy. 'Gold Diggers' made you want to change the channel.
The movie stars Will Friedle who played Cory Matthews older brother in the long-running show, 'Boy Meets World.' I think this was his move at transitioning into film, and specifically more mature roles. This movie follows a couple of guys trying to marry older, rich women for their fortunes. I'll give them credit for this: that actually sounds like a movie that would be in theaters. The problem is that it doesn't sound like a GOOD movie.
'Baby Geniuses' was actually a pretty fun movie, and a great premise. Scientists find out that there are hyper-intelligent babies, so they keep them captive until the babies unite to break free. It's a great movie because the premise is fun, yet it all plays out in a very grounded way. As grounded as a story about talking babies can be. 'Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2' takes all the fun of the first film, and says, "people just want babies who can talk. Who cares about the other important elements of the first film that made it in a success.
This is the type of movie you would see in a discount bin, or as a straight to DVD title back when that meant something. Now we get straight to VOD movies. Those movies should always give you pause.
Right now is a very exciting time for film and television. Films by people of color are becoming more and more prevalent, and the reaction from audiences is incredibly positive. Unfortunately, this 2005 film may have set the black film community back by a deace, and that's why 'Black Panther' didn't come out until 2018. I'm only joking of course, but this movie definitely didn't make a positive impact. That's for sure.
It stars some incredible actors, like Billy Dee Williams, Zoe Saldana, and Gabrielle Union, but it's just a confusing and bizarre mess of a story. Not EVERYONE hated this movie, like the New York Times who had a good review of it, but what do they know? Rotten Tomatoes, a truly trusted news source, has it at 0%. I definitely trust Rotten Tomatoes more than the New York Times.
If you like the 'Fast and the Furious' franchise of films, then you'd probably see 'Redline' in your Netflix queue and think, "this looks good. I should watch this." You would be completely wrong. Other than seeming like it's trying to be Fast and the Furious, this movie is nothing like any of those films. That's to say that it looks cheap, feels cheap, and is acted even more poorly than Tokyo Drift.
A fun fact about this movie is that the title was the working title for the first 'Fast and the Furious' movie. Not only did they rip off the style, they literally ripped off the rejected name from the movie. The thing is, you can't beat the Vin Diesel factor. If your movie doesn't have the Vin Diesel factor, it simply can't succeed.
Say what you will about 3D movies. Personally, I don't care for them. I think they rarely make a movie better, and they typically fall into two categories. One category is what we see most often these days, which is just a standard movie that is turned to 3D using effects. The second category are movies shot to be in 3D, so that there are a ton of shots where objects launch at your face. Category one is just a way to get you to pay more in the box office. Category two is cheesy. I bring this all up because 'Scar' may not be a good movie, but it is a historical movie for being the first 3D movie on video on demand (made for 3D TVs).
It's a torture-porn movie, if that gives you any indication on its quality.
You may remember the movie poster for 'One Missed Call' because it was pretty memorable for being disturbing. It shows a woman's face, but instead of eyes and eyebrows, she has two more sets of noses and mouths. Very disturbing. It's too bad that the movie itself falls into bad horror territory. It starts two actors, Edward Burns and Shannyn Sossamon, who are not bad actors, but they also aren't the stars you usually see as headlining a film.
The movie is about people who receive phone calls from their future selves, telling them when and how they will die. I can understand why your future self would want that, but as a past self, that's just going to ruin your day. If I can't do anything to change it, just let me die. It's better than being worried about it all the time.
As far as horror/suspense movies go, I really like the premise of 'Homecoming,' though a premise is only as good as the following ninety minutes you're forced to watch. It's about a guy returning to his hometown with his new girlfriend who he met outside of town. That's when his ex-girlfriend who still lives back home decides to terrorize them out of jealousy. It sounds scary AND realistic.
The movie is directed by Morgan J. Freeman, though it's not the Morgan Freeman we wished directed it. I can imagine him on set, "I think we need more narration from me." The guy will be trying to run away from the killer and you'll hear Morgan Freeman come in, "and then he ran. Ran away. Ran for his life. March of the penguins." I don't know why he'd say that.
You'd think that a cast with Jon Hamm and Jessica Chastain would make for an instantly great movie, but you'd be horribly wrong. My first and only piece of evidence of that is this movie. Stolen is about a detective who is looking for his son, all the while he finds the mummified remains of another young boy. You can try to make sense of all that, or you can just move on with your life and be happy.
Jon Hamm is one of my favorite actors, but when he isn't used well, I really hate seeing him on screen. As good looking as he is, I think he plays best as a goofball. Check him out in the 'Wet Hot American Summer' tv show on Netflix to see exactly what I mean. He's totally hilarious.
People all my life have told me that I need to see 'The Nutcracker.' It's not like it's a hard thing to find. They put performances on of it every year, and every year I watch just a tiny bit to see if it will catch my interested. Guess what? It never does. I think a big factor in that is the fact that we don't use nutcrackers anymore. No one even know what they are past a decoration. When is the last time you used a nutcracker to crack a nut?
This version of 'The Nutcracker' stars Elle Fanning and John Turturro, two actors who I enjoy watching on the screen. It's also in 3D, which is evident by the name. You know what the demographics who love 'The Nutcracker' also love? 3D entertainment... not really.
There was a time when Nick Swardson was one of the biggest names in comedy, whether that be standup, television or movies. The dude is totally unique. His lispy voice and crude attitude made him stand out, but unfortunately, some people are most funny when they are a side character. I think that's the case with Swardson, whose movie 'Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star" plays more like a bad Saturday Night Live sketch than a movie.
Stephen Dorph and Christina Ricci are also in this. Not to mention Don Johnson. Beware when Don Johnson is in anything these days. It was also co-written by Adam Sandler, who I think is still funny, but has been missing the mark lately. He and Swardson are frequent collaborators together, though I haven't seen anything good of theirs since 'Grandma's Boy.'
If there's an Eddie Murphy movie that you haven't heard of, that's probably for a reason. Even his late-era stinkers are well known. I'm talking about movies like 'Meet Dave.' If you like that movie, you at least have to admit that it's not part of his greatest hits. This movie was made in 2012 (the year the world was supposed to end), and stars some great actors, so I'm not sure where it went wrong.
This movie has two of the greatest actresses of our time: Kerry Washington and Allison Janney. Hopefully they were paid well. The movie is kind of like 'Liar Liar' where a man finds a tree on his property after screwing over a spiritual guru. After that, his words start manifesting real things in the world. For a liar, that's a big problem.
This is one of Adam Sandler's movies that are part of his six movie deal with Netflix. I think people are pretty hard on Adam Sandler, especially considering he has given us some of the best comedy classics like 'Billy Madison' and 'Happy Gilmore.' Now he's just having fun making movies that no one really finds funny except for him and his friends. Isn't that the dream?
'The Ridiculous 6' is packed with some great comedy talent. Jorge Garcia, Taylor Lautner, Luke Wilson, Nick Nolte, Danny Trejo, Terry Crews, and Harvey Keitel. That could be the cast of a Quentin Tarantino movie. That's how stacked it is. Too bad this movie had some controversy for being unfair to Native Americans. The jokes about Native Americans definitely feel like they could belong in a 90s movie, or a Klan meeting, but you be the judge.
It's important to clarify something here before all the 'Cabin Fever' fans come after me. We're not talking about the 2002 'Cabin Fever' starring Ryder Strong of 'Boy Meets World' fame. We're talking about the 2016 'Cabin Fever' that didn't need to get made because no one was asking for it. It's a direct remake of the first film, which is odd because despite being fifteen years later, the 2002 movie still feels fresh. There was no reason to remake it.
There aren't any big stars in this one, which may have been a sign that it was doomed from the star. The main character is played by an actress named Gage Golightly, which I'm pretty sure is a fake name. I'm trying to look up 'Golightly' in the Ellis island records, but that doesn't appear to be a real name at all.
'Max Steel' is a movie that came from an action figure line. That's right. Before it was a movie, it was a toy. I don't know if you hear, but most great movies come from ideas for toys... not really. That's the first sign that this movie is terrible. The second is that it's a superhero movie about a superhero you've only ever heard of while browsing the toy aisle. What we ended up getting was an incredibly generic story that could have been written by copying every single superhero movie ever made and taking out any of the fun details.
This was a big studio film aimed at children. It was bound to be bad. This is the kind of movie that was made by people who don't understand children at all. They think you can just throw a bunch of crap on screen without any meaning behind it, and kids will love it. They won't.
There are genres that you shouldn't even touch unless you're going to try to elevate the genre. Heist movies are like that. They better be inventive as hell or else they don't work. Those movies operate differently than, let's say, a movie like 'Lady Bird.' That's why 'Oceans 8' sucked. It had nothing to do with the female cast. It just added nothing to the genre. Sorry, 'Oceans 8,' but at least you can say that you're better than 'Precious Cargo.'
This movie stars Bruce Willis (OK, not so bad) and Mark-Paul Gosselaar (wait a minute... the Saved by the Bell guy?). Bruce Willis has been in some stinkers, but Mark-Paul Gosselaar? I can appreciate Mark-Paul Gosselaar's attempt at breaking free from his Saved by the Bell role, but I will always see him as Zack Morris.
I love a good spy movie, especially one that involves the MI6. British spies are always shown as being so sexy, while American spies always look grizzled and like they've been alcoholics for twenty years. This movie stars Dominic Cooper, who I think is miscast in this role. He's not a leading man. He's a good villain or side character, but not a leading man. Let's not put the entire blame on him though. There's a lot more that's bad about this movie.
It's unfortunate that his movie isn't very good, because I really like Gemma Chan. She was in the Amazon series 'Humans' and also in 'Crazy Rich Asians.' Asian with a British accent? I'm a fan. This movie also has Tom Felton who you may know as Draco Malfoy in the Harry Potter series.
The plot of Christmas Eve could easily be a horror movie, but instead it's a Holiday comedy. It's about a group of six New Yorkers who get trapped inside of an elevator on Christmas Eve. I'm sure you had already put together the Christmas Eve part of it since the movie is called 'Christmas Eve,' but you never know. Some people are slow. It's very similar to the M. Night Shyamalan produced movie, 'DEVIL,' except at least 'DEVIL' is unintentionally funny.
You won't believe the actors in this movie. You've got Jon Heder who is best known for his role as Napoleon Dynamite. Most notably, you have Sir Patrick Stewart playing in it as well. He's a knighted man and yet he still found himself in this movie. Nobody is safe from a bad movie, not even a knight.
Allegedly 'The Crow' series of films is good at some point. I don't know if it's the first movie, second movie, or if it's just the delusions of people who lived through the 90s. I will give the series credit for giving Bruce Lee's son, Brandon Lee, a spotlight to shine in. The only problem with that is that the series killed him. He got shot on set, which is why this movie doesn't have Brandon Lee in it at all.
Coming out a full ten years after the original, 'Wicked Prayer' is not a fun movie. It stars Eddie Furlong, who has had a rough life ever since his role in 'Terminator 2,' and MMA fighter Tito Ortiz is also in it. Here's some advice. Don't watch any movie made between 2003 and 2011 that has an MMA fighter in it.
As far as 80s movies go, 'Johnny Be Good' should be good, but it's not. It stars some of the hottest 80s stars, including the star Anthony Michael Hall, the Iron Man himself Robert Downey Jr, and Uma Thurman. If you want to see all of those actors as baby versions of themselves (ok, TEEN version) then this movie will do that for you. You just won't enjoy yourself at all.
The movie fails from being a comedy with an unfunny premise. It's about a highschool football player who has to choose between going to a university or hanging around with his girlfriend. That might make for an interesting drama, but as for a comedy, there isn't much there to work with. Johnny be bad, people. Johnny be very bad. I can't resist doing that when I talk about this movie.
'Hellraiser' is a quintessential '80s horror franchise. I distinctly remember the VHS cover art from when I was a little kid browsing the local video store. It took me a long time to gather up the courage to rent it. 'Critters' on the other hand, was one I jumped to right away, but I digress. Pinhead, the man with pins coming out of his head, is somehow terrifying even though he seems pretty chill. That's a testament to good character design.
Why did this iteration of 'Hellraiser' fail? The problem here is that this movie came out in 2002, well after any discernible hype for the 'Hellraiser' franchise had faded away. In 2002 people were gearing up for movies like 'Saw.' No one cared about horror. They just wanted to see people brutally injure themselves.
1997 Drew Barrymore is a very fun Drew Barrymore. This is from the era where Drew Barrymore was going on late night shows and showing her breasts. Does that sound crazy to you or unbelievable to you? Look up her David Letterman interview where she jumps on his desk and flashes him. It's a completely unhinged moment of pure late night craziness. That's what Hollywood will do to you, and when you need money to feed your drug habit, you take on movies that aren't so good.
'Wishful Thinking' is a 90s romantic comedy, but also sort of a drama? It focuses on three different viewpoints of the story, and maybe once or twice something funny happens. At least we get peak sexy Drew Barrymore in this movie. That's another reason to check out that David Letterman interview.
Here's something you might not know about Disney movies. They all pretty much have one, two, or maybe even four sequels. A lot of those sequels were made in the time of "straight to VHS" or "straight to DVD" movies. The thing is that they were animated just as well as the main movies, but I'm guessing Disney didn't want to ruin their brand by bringing them to the theaters, yet they still wanted to make easy money. 'Mulan' fell victim to that process, which is why 'Mulan II' exists.
The first 'Mulan' movie came out in 1998, while the sequel came five years later. Given the story of the first movie, I don't see a sequel being very impactful. In the first one she pretends to be a man to join the army. What's she going to do in the sequel, get gender reassignment surgery?
The main thing that comes to mind when I think about rap artist Master P is his music career. I never once thought he'd make for a good actor. Part of that is his grill, which pretty much means he can only play the role of characters who wear grills. That seems limiting to me. In this movie, he plays alongside comedian Eddie Griffin, but that's not enough to hold this movie together.
As could be expected, the movie had a soundtrack. The soundtrack was number 32 on the Billboard top 200 list, so at least something came out of this movie. Big surprise there. A movie starring a rapper had a great soundtrack that did better than the movie did. That's not a bad reason to make a movie, but then make the movie about making music.
I don't think the American Pie series has aged very well, and that's even including the groundbreaking first film. Why was it groundbreaking? Because a guy had sex with a pie. That's why. Maybe there was a bit more to it than that, like the movie's frank discussions around sex, but ultimately it will be remembered for the pie. As for the following four films, who even remembers that they made those? I can't speak for all of them, but this one was definitely a straight to DVD movie.
The fifth movie in the series is called "The Naked Mile." While the first movie centers around the transition into adulthood, the fifth movie centers around running a mile naked. Like Harvey Dent said. You either die the hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
There was an era of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen movies that fans actually enjoyed. Whether or not those movies were good is up for debate. The audience for them (young kids), wouldn't even know what a good movie is anyway, so it didn't matter. As time went by, the Olsen twins kept trying to do the same thing, but the audience didn't want that anymore. We were entering high school thinking, "aren't these girls supposed to be addicted to drugs already?"
'Switching Goals' catches the Olsen twins as they were starting to grow into being teens. They needed to transition into a more mature type of film, but instead, this movie sticks to their old formula. At least they're doing well now, and their younger sister is doing exceptionally well. It helps when you can ask your sisters to make a few calls for you to Hollywood.
When I watch Sarah Jessica Parker on screen, I will always think about Carrie Bradshaw. I don't think I can separate her from her 'Sex and the City' character. I think that's the truth for a lot of people, especially if she's playing a character who is in any way similar to Carrie. Since almost everyone in Hollywood gets typecast, many of her roles really do seem like Carrie. This movie that followed on the heels of 'Sex and the City' failed to launch (get it, failed to launch? Like the Sarah Jessica Parker movie 'Failure to Launch.'
In this movie, Sarah Jessica Parker attempts to connect with her daughter by going to Rome, but when she discovers an old flame there, the trip goes off course. If you like scenic Italy... watch 'Call Me by Your Name' instead.
Here is another movie written, directed, and starring the same person. That person is Julian Hernandez, whose career stopped immediately following this movie. That's not a good sign. No one ever makes a good movie and then just stops. Usually you make a good movie and then they give you two more movies, a TV show, and movies to all your friends who you deem talented.
The title is horrible. You'd think that sex is good, and cocktails are good too, so what's the problem? You mix those with politics and it's a recipe for disaster, that's why. We all know it. The movie is about a man who enters the gay community. Since this movie was made back in 2002, it's safe to say that there are plenty of bad stereotypes and cringe worthy jokes.
From what I can gather, 'Caffeine' is the British attempt at a diner movie. Diner movies are your typical workplace comedy taking place at a diner. One famous example is 'Waiting' starring Deadpool- I mean, Ryan Reynolds. The problem with this British version is that diners are so classically American that we don't want to see a movie about British people working in a diner. That's especially true when you can't even tell whose accent is real and whose is fake.
Katherine Heigl and Mena Suvari are in this movie, along with a host of British actors. Katherine Heigl puts on a British accent, which makes me wonder... is this how British people feel when they watch one of their actors do a bad American accent? Why don't we all just make a pact and just use our real accents from now on.
The first Casper movies was a really fun movie with Bill Pullman and Christina Ricci acting alongside the ghost. It was a hit, so of course there would be a second movie. That's where things got confusing for me. Full disclosure about this movie. When it came out I was pretty young, so I didn't really know what a prequel was. No one explained that concept to me. The second Casper movie is a prequel to the first, so when I saw it after seeing the first movie, I was completely confused. Nothing made sense and I was too embarrassed to ask.
Instead of Christina Ricci and Bill Pullman, this movie has Steve Guttenberg and Pauly Shore. I don't like that trade. That's not an even trade. Luckily Rodney Dangerfield is in it, and I'm always down to see him.
I distinctly remember the box art for 'Slappy and the Stinkers' because it had a giant seal hanging out with a couple of kids. I also remember it looking like an obvious rip off of 'The Little Rascals,' which was already a lame movie, so why would I see the rip off version? I had a discerning eye like that even as a child. I'm glad to know I skipped this one, because my instincts were right. It is truly awful.
The movie features tons of crude humor, and lacks the qualities that made 'The Little Rascals' a success. You see, 'The Little Rascals' has heart. Even though there are some silly scenes and jokes, the movie hinges on heart and emotion. 'Slappy and the Stinkers' hinges on you finding a seal farting funny. OK, I'll admit. It kind of is.
The first 'I Spit on Your Grave' was made back in the 70s. Films had a specific style back then, especially exploitation films. Exploitation films were generally very violent and brutal in theme. This movie is a revenge thriller about a girl who was raped. As you can tell, that's some pretty heavy stuff. Some people get squeamish just by the thought of violence and revenge. Throw in the big R word and the millennials might get offended.
The second film was made in 2013, where exploitation films are less in fashion. Rape is still a touchy subjects (as it should be), so it's hard for a movie to live beyond that. I'm happy that the girl is getting revenge, but it's not exactly the type of plot that makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
Any 90s kid will remember the Beethoven movies. For many kids, it was their first introduction to the St. Bernard breed of dogs. For a kid who had only ever dealt with chihuahuas, Beethoven the St. Bernard looked like a mythical creature. The first two movies were total hits, and they made sense. The first one was about Beethoven terrorizing his new family. The second one brought in a second, female dog, and some babies. Then the third one happened.
By the third movie, most of the cast realized that they were on a sinking ship, so they didn't appear in this film. Most notably was the father, played by Charles Grodin, who is the real star of the film. I mean, we all remember him screaming "BEETHOVEN!" more than anything else from the entire movie.
Wait, didn't we just talk about Beethoven? We did. And if it sounded like the third movie was a bad enough idea, I guess it wasn't. Having the star of the film jump ship should have been a good indicator to stop, but the franchise kept going. 'Beethoven's 3rd' came out in the year 2000, and just one short year later, 'Beethoven's 4th' came out in 2001. That's a quick turnaround. By the quality of this film, I think they just used unused footage from the other three movies to make this one.
If the goal was to make as many Beethoven movies as Beethoven made music, I think they need to seriously reevaluate their life plan. We're all pretty aware that the real Beethoven died years ago. It's not secret. Those St. Bernards don't live forever.
Everybody loves a good sports movie. For example, movies about baseball and football always do really well. Both of those games are America's pastime. Plus, watching football on the big screen is much more fun since no one's getting any concussions. Once you get into more obscure sports, the movies don't quite connect as well. I hate to say it, but gymnastics is one of those sports. I guess it's a little hard when someone actually has to do all those insane stunts.
I'm not saying it's impossible to make a movie about gymnastics. I'm saying that 'American Anthem' is a bad movie about gymnastics that may have ruined all future movies about gymnastics. Maybe that's being a little dramatic, but I think you may turn to my side if you ever watch this movie. Better yet, just don't watch it. That way, we both win.
